1. Men aren’t irresistible and not all women are desperate for sex. Good lovemaking starts long before you reach the bedroom, so before any date, have a bath. Everyone smells: some women like the smell of male sweat, others don’t, but no one likes the smell of stale sweat.
2. Teeth are as important as the groin and armpits. Don’t forget to brush them after your bath. When kissing a girl, or even sitting close to her, she won’t want to smell your bad breath or notice salad between your teeth any more than she’ll want to smell yesterday’s sweat.
3. Avoid a heavy meal before sex. Oysters and asparagus are assumed to be aphrodisiacs, but this is only because of visual or olfactory associations. Champagne is a better bet, but choose a less acidic one, lest exotic Kama Sutra-style acts cause indigestion.
4. Be careful with drinks. We all know drinking increases a man’s desire but decreases his ability, but not everyone realises it also affects a woman’s sexual response. More than two or three drinks and some women may be loving but physiologically limited.
5. Any penile discharge or sore, however apparently trivial, means that sex is out. Chlamydia in the male may be almost symptom-free. It may show only as a mild inflammation of the end of the penis, so that the lips are stuck together in the morning.
6. Always use a condom with a new partner, even if she seems as innocent as a nun. Regular partners should still have chlamydia and blood tests.
7. Men fear judgment, whether by colleagues in the office, teammates in the changing room or, above all, by a new girlfriend. Penis size can worry some men. Remember that someone’s penis always looks smaller to the owner than to an onlooker. Women may prefer a medium-size but thick penis but, if a lover is attentive, even if offering a button rather than a baton, it won’t matter.
8. Don’t rush into sex and focus attention immediately on the genitalia. Take it slowly. Learn to massage. This can easily shade into great foreplay, especially if your partner is tired or stressed. Use plenty of lubrication.
9. Make certain that your partner knows how attractive you find her by paying as much attention to kissing her, complimenting her and generally spoiling her. Don’t neglect the breasts and other erogenous zones.
10. Both sexes have off days. Most men occasionally have poor or tardy erections and even fit, athletic, overenthusiastic men, as well as the inexperienced and anxious, may suffer premature ejaculation.
11. There’s no substitute for excitement. The range of lubricants on the market can add slip and slide, but should never be used as a short cut.
12. There’s more to sex than pushing the right button. Men have discovered that the key to female orgasm is clitoral stimulation, and many now rub the lamp rather than poking around inside it. The upside is that women are climaxing more often but the increase in emphasis on genital manipulation has made for some very mechanical sex. Going straight to the erogenous zones is the equivalent of fast forward. Men who focus on left breast, right breast, genitals, reduce their partner to a set of body parts.
13. Though clitoral orgasm is easy to achieve, most women want to experience penetrative orgasm. Intercourse is the ultimate connection between man and woman and the sensation of fullness that it creates is intensely pleasurable.
14. Women are slow burners. They take longer to become aroused and get as much pleasure, if not more, out of tenderness, kissing and cuddling. Though quickie sex has its place, for women on the whole, the longer sex takes, the better it feels. If arousal is allowed to build gradually, it floods the whole body rather than being confined to the genital area and a delayed orgasm is infinitely more powerful than an orgasm induced by five minutes of digital manipulation.
15. Sexual gymnastics are often distracting. Chopping and changing positions and techniques can make a woman’s sexual excitement plummet.
16. Thrusting for hours without climaxing doesn’t make you a stud muffin. It does make the vagina numb and sore.
17. Don’t assume your partner is comfortable in her own skin. A survey of 3,500 British women, by the bathroom equipment company SHUC, found that one woman in ten feels so embarrassed about her body that she turns the lights out before taking off her clothes. The average woman still spends a lot of time every day beating herself up about her weight and looks. Nakedness increases that vulnerability, so be sensitive to her insecurities and, if you think that your partner looks great, for God’s sake tell her.
18. Be polite. Never nudge your partner’s head towards your nether regions. During fellatio don’t thrust into your partner’s mouth, don’t hold the side of her head – and definitely warn her when you think you are going to come. With regard to orgasm, always operate a ladies-first policy.
19. Put a little X in your sex. Watching steamy movies with your partner will increase the chance that you will have sex.
20. Remember to take your socks off
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